Not a Real Man
by naniche22
Summary: Edward Elric has been holding a secret for the last few years he has been working under Roy Mustang. He's been hiding that he is actually a she. Silly and stupid filled with gorgeous fluff. Only rated M because of language - sorry pervs!
1. Chapter 1

**Not a Real Man**

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist **

To say in the least, General Roy Mustang was mad. He stormed down the dormitories of his officers, earning countless looks of terrified horror and hasty salutes with wrong hands. Roy ignored the officers, instead solely focusing on the anger that bubbled within him. He crumpled the manilla folder in his hand as he stomped forward until he reached the room was aiming for.

"Edward Elric, you did it again!" Roy exclaimed throwing the door open. He froze in shock when he saw what he had entered upon. A young woman stood there, shirtless in nothing other than a bra and super short shorts. Golden hair reached past her shoulder blades and two huge honey colored eyes that continued to widened in horror, stared back. Her right arm was made of automail as well as her left leg from the knee down. Pink scars lined her body.

"Oh, sorry," Roy immediately shut the door.

He stared at the hallway outside of the boy's dorm before pausing and opening the door once again and peering in. The girl continued to stand there, staring at Roy as her mouth continued to drop. She was holding onto a dark blue tank top and a red jacket.

"I apologize for frightening you," Roy bowed his head. "Do you know where I can find Ed...ward…." Roy trailed off slowly before turning around to race out of the door once again.

He gasped for breath in the hallway. It was almost three minutes until he composed himself and opened the door once again, entered and closed the door behind him turning his body to the door to do so.

"_Edward_?" He whispered the name like a question. He turned away from the door slightly, still not meeting Ed's eyes.

"Yes?" The girl replied slowly.

"Why are you wearing a bra?"

"Because I need one."

Roy nodded staring at the young woman. He now realized why he had never seen Edward Elric naked.

"Can I put a shirt on now...sir?" The girl asked, looking at the dark blue cloth from the corner of her eye.

"Yes," Roy replied flatly. "Please do."

"Do you find my tits distracting?" Edward asked quickly. She had quickly gotten over the shock of Roy finding out her secret but her hands shook as she pulled her shirt on over her head. Edward - if that was even her name - flipped her hair out of the shirt and turned back to Roy. Her jaw was set in the way it always got when she was about to be stubborn.

"No, I don't find a little girl's tit's distrasting."

"I'm not exactly a little girl," Edward laughed but there was no humor underneath. She quickly lost her smile. "Are you gonna tell?"

"Tell who?"

"Anyone?" Her voice cracked slightly but she quickly contained her fear. Her jaw was set and she tightened her hands into fists to hide the shaking. Roy noticed anyway.

"No. Does Alphonse know?"

Edward's eyes narrowed in either shock or anger. "Of course Alphonse fucking knows. Alphonse had seen me naked. We took baths together as kids for fuck's sake!"

"Even as a lady you swear," Roy muttered.

"I'm always a fucking lady!"

Roy snorted, a smile grin pulling at his usual scowl. "I've held much worse secrets for you, Fullmetal." Under the loose and baggy material of her shirt, the swell of breasts were barely evident.

Ed swallowed nervously and nodded. "My name is Edline...you assumed I was a boy and I went along with it, it seems for a little too long."

"You think?" The General muttered.

"What was that?" Ed glared up with a raised eyebrow, her honey eyes hardening with anger.

"Nothing," Roy shrugged. Somehow, Ed as a woman was far more terrifying than him as a man.

"That's what I thought," The young woman nodded, puffing out her chest and putting her hands on her hips. Roy examined Edline carefully. Her bustline was visible enough with what she was wearing. Roy had remembered her seeming flatter obviously yet bulkier, even a little taller.

"How do you hide...it all?" Roy blushed fiercely. Ed did as well, looking at ground and scratching her head.

"Well, I-uh...I have a band…."

"A band?" Roy raised an eyebrow.

"It also helps that I'm not that well endowed," Ed continued. "If I usually acted like a girl, I think I'd want the opposite but…." Ed trailed off blushing.

"Will you show me?" Roy asked quickly.

Ed turned to him in horror. "_Excuse me?_"

Once again, Roy turned bright red. "How the band works."

Ed continued to give Roy a weird look until the man rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding me? I still see you as a man, Ed."

"A man?" Ed chuckled. "Not a boy?"

"Just fucking show me," Roy snapped.

Ed paused for another moment before reaching into her drawers and pulling out a white, bandage-like material. Ed reached for the hem of her tanktop before turning around and glaring at Roy.

"Face the wall, Soldier," The young woman ordered with authority her honey eyes glinting with mischief. Roy couldn't help but chuckle as he turned away to face the corner of the dorm. After a few moments Roy turned around and spoke.

"Are you done yet?"

Roy froze once again in shock, staring at the scene before him. Ed had gotten stuck trying to put the tight band on. Her original bra was on but the back was unclipped and one strap had fallen down. Her arms were no longer able to move and sweat glistened on her skin. Her chest expanded with each breath, her slipping bra was the only thing stopping Roy from seeing Ed in the nude.

"You perv," Ed grunted fidgeting slightly. "I got stuck."

"I can see that," Roy struggled to find the right works. "Do...help?"

Ed glared at the man, tears springing up at her eyes. She looked away out of embarrassment. Roy hurried forward and gently guided her arms away from the custody of the band. With one final grunt and sharp pull, Roy freed Ed from the band but in doing so, forced Ed to stumble forward and made Roy unbalanced. The two fell on one another, both of Ed's bras had disappeared in the process. She did not move from her place on Roy, for fear of exposing herself.

"Ed?" Roy rasped.

"Yes?" Ed replied limply.

"Where's your bra?" Roy swallowed nervously.

"I dunno, Roy. Where the fuck is your brain. Why the hell did you do this."

"I didn't fucking do this!" Roy snapped, feeling even more uncomfortable as time passed. The warmness of her body compared to the chill of her automail felt tantalizingly good.

"Then what do you suppose we do?"


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. Sorry about that**

Ed's heart was pounding. She stood next to Roy as they faced the office. Fuery, Hawkeye, Falman, Havoc, and Breda stood before them all staring at the duo with looks of boredom. Even Alphonse was there in the corner, trying to hide his laughter. Ed glared at him before she crossed her arms over her chest and looked away blushing.

"Ed, do you wanna tell them or shall I?" Roy raised an eyebrow at the blond-haired girl.

Ed turned to the Mustang Unit before her. "I'm actually a girl," She growled, looking away.

The unit was silent, staring at Roy and Ed in shock. Riza opened her mouth but shut it immediately.

"And?" Roy asked the girl.

"And Roy and I are fucking."

"Ed," Roy rolled his eyes but could not wipe the grin that plastered his face. "Knock it off."

"No," Ed muttered. "You're making me do this."

The Mustang Unit was silent for another few moments until Roy cleared his throat and turned around.

"Continue with...whatever." Roy walked off. Ed glanced once more at the unit and sighed.

"I'll wear something girly tomorrow," Ed snorted and slipped into Roy's office. She locked the door and turned to her commander. He leaned against his desk, turned towards Ed with a grin.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Roy snorted. "You just laid it out there."

"And they didn't say a fucking thing," Ed shook her head, trying to contain her laughter. She walked forward and leaned into Roy's body. He grunted in surprise and wrapped his arm around the girl. He placed his lips on top of her head and hummed.

"Thank you for everything, Roy," Ed whispered to him. "Thank you for doing so much for me."

Roy looked into her eyes and his eyes softened. "Talk to me, Ed. What's wrong?"

Her honey eyes flicked to the ground and she chewed on her lip making Roy want to scream. He always loved when she did that. Ed held on to Roy tighter.

"You know when you told me to knock it off when I told the others that we were fucking?"

"I remember," Roy replied, hiding his grin.

"What do we call us?" Ed asked him, burrowing herself closer to him.

Roy pursed his lips and paused. "Lovers?"

"Yech."

He paused again and tilted his head. "A couple?"

Ed tilted her head to look up at Roy. "I don't mind that."

"That's good. I don't mind it either." Roy smiled at his girlfriend.

"I love you, Roy."

"I love you too, Edline."

* * *

><p>Edline couldn't help but fall down laughing when Roy's subordinates stared at her in shock. She was wearing a pair of dark black shorts that showed her very feminine very shaved legs along with a tight tanktop and a normal bra. Over all this she wore her familiar red coat.<p>

Hawkeye had incredulous eyes but managed to stare at her workload. Havoc on the other hand had his gaze focused on Ed's cleavage.

"Can I help you there, Havoc?" Roy asked leaning forward to attract the soldier's attention. The man blushed furiously and averted his eyes and Ed stuck her hand out and Roy lifted her to his feet. Ed shot Fuery a look.

"You okay there, bud?" Ed grinned wildly. Fuery nodded his head, slightly dazed, and Ed snicked. Breda stood in the corner with his arms crossed. He was staring at the corner angrily. Ed glanced at Roy and snorted.

"Well guys, we've got to get going," Their commander slung his arm around Ed and chuckled at his subordinates.

"Where are you going?" Hawkeye glanced up. As always, she was professional.

"Out to dinner," Roy replied with a smile. Ed couldn't help but blush at how enthusiastic her boyfriend was about this.

"What for?" Falman asked, grinning.

"It's the first time we're going out in public as a couple!"

"Fuck yeah!" Ed added pumping her fist into the air.

Roy snorted and held Ed closer. Ed smiled at the floor for a moment before grinning up.

"I've gotta change first. I look and smell like shit!" Ed scratched head.

"What are _you_ going to do while she is showering?" Hawkeye glanced at Roy meaningfully.

Roy blushed bright red while Havoc laughed loudly.

"Shuddup." The fire alchemist muttered.

"I'll see you tomorrow...late," Ed winked at the unit and led Roy outside of the large government building. Roy laughed at his shrimp and wrapped his arm around her. He kissed the top of his head and continued forward, chuckling. The duo entered Roy's apartment and Ed immediately dropped her red coat and swung it over the chair. She turned back to her boyfriend and stuck her hands in the back pocket of her shorts. She winced and looked away.

"I don't have a dress for tonight." Ed looked up at last. "I'm sorry! I just never had an opportunity to go out as a girl and I have nothing other than man clothes!"

Roy threw his head back and laughed. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Ed. She raised an eyebrow up and him and glanced up at the taller man.

"I knew that. I got you something for tonight. It might be a little big but I think it'll do the trick." Roy walked over to the closet and brought out a white bag from it. He set it on the table and reached inside. He held up a black garment. Ed narrowed her eyes and took it from him. Her eyes softened as she examined the piece. She glanced up at Roy and dropped the dress on the table before reaching up and taking his face in her hands.

"It's perfect. Thank you." She raised to her toes and kissed Roy lightly on the cheek. She chuckled and her eyes fluttered. "Now all I need is a great pair of shoes!" Ed continued, flawlessly changing into her role as a woman.

"I've already handled it," Roy grinned, taking out a pair of high heels and giving them to Ed. She raised an eyebrow at him, taking the shoes gently.

"How the fuck am I supposed to walk in these?" She snorted and shook her head. Her honey eyes glanced up at Roy, slightly panicked. "I've never walked in heels before. I've never been a girl before. I had to even buy these fucking shorts early this morning, just to prove to the others that I didn't have a dick. I didn't even shave my fucking legs 'till we began a relationship. I don't know how to walk in a pair of fucking heels, Roy!" Ed quickly turned hysterical, pacing and throwing her hands in the air.

"Ed," Roy held his hands out and caught Ed in his embrace.

"Yeah?" She murmured, burying her face in Roy's military uniform.

"It's going to be okay. We can practice with the shoes. Your legs are taken care of. We can buy you another dress and a couple skirts and everyone we give at least half a shit about know you're female."

Ed nodded and took a deep breath. "Got it. I'm going to take a shower."

Roy leaned down and looked her in the eye. "Do you need any help."

Ed threw her head back and laughed. "Why not?"


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. **

Edline sat across from Roy twirling her pasta with her fork and flicked her eyes up. Roy was intensely focused on his steak, sawing at it with vigor. The honey eyed woman placed her fork in her bowl and watched the dark eyed man shove red meat into his mouth. When Roy realized a petite blond-haired woman was staring at him with an amused look on her face, he slowly swallowed what was in his mouth and placed his utensils on the table.

"How's it going?" Ed raised an eyebrow.

"The steak is good," Roy replied nodding. "How's the pasta."

Ed paused. "It's good."

Roy nodded and sighed. "This is weird."

"You think so?" Ed replied with a snort she stared at her plate and bit her lip before glancing back up. "I like the dress though."

Roy grinned like a schoolboy. "I like it too."

Ed blushed and scratched her head. "You only like it because you can see my tits."

"That is only one of the many reasons I like the dress," Roy replied smoothly, sipping out of his wine glass. He winked at his girlfriend and Ed laughed into her palm. She arched and stretched her back before looking around. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw something familiar. Ed narrowed her eyes and turned back to Roy, her eyebrow twitching.

"I'll be back," She muttered before dashing off into the street, The longer dress had one large slit up it on her flesh leg, showing off the tan skin when she walked, or ran in this case. The dress continued up her body, hugging it tightly. When it reached her collarbone, a large V had been cut out to almost her navel. From the collarbone, the dress continued up to a high collar and sleeveless arms. The fabric ended right where her automail arm began, hiding all of her pink scars.

Ed wobbled forward before ripping the heels off her foot and sprinting forward, barefoot. She tackled her stalker into an alleyway, and with a grunt, Alphonse along with Ed tumbled to the ground. Armstrong made a very unmanly squeak and scurried away.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Al!" Ed snarled grabbing her younger brother by the front of his shirt. She stumbled to her feet, dragging Al with her. Her younger brother had grown taller than her in the past year but she could still bring him to his knees.

"Ed…" Al groaned, weakly pulling at her iron grip.

"Now Fullmetal," Armstrong began calmly, advancing towards the siblings.

Edline shot him a terrifying look and the larger man smartly said nothing more. "Why did you follow us on our date you little brat!" Ed snarled dragging Alphonse with her as she paced. The younger boy struggled to keep up, saying nothing as his sister ranted.

"How dare you!" She snarled. "This is my life, Al! You cannot control me. And _you!" _Ed pointed to the larger man. "Armstrong. Why the fuck did you not stop this? You are a grown man. It is pathetic that you would even _try_ to watch me. You are both perverted idiots! I should chop off your arms and feed it to some wolves!"

"Ed."

"You are both _ridiculous_. Alphonse, I am going to lock you in your room until you _starve_. And you know what I am going to do to you, Major. I am going to write to your older sister! She is going to have so much fun torturing you! _I will enjoy watching!_"

"Ed."

"NOT NOW ROY!"

"Ed. Calm down," The dark eyed man grinned, watching the display, trying not to laugh. "I've paid the check. Let's go home."

With one more withering glance, Ed dropped her younger brother and turned to Roy. "Fine." She stalked past Roy and onto the main road where she turned the corner and disappeared. Roy shot Al and Armstrong an unamused look until he followed Ed into the street.

**I hope that was worth the wait! Please Review! **


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